Guest post written by Barrie Davenport of Live Bold and Bloom.

“Originality is independence, not rebellion; it is sincerity, not antagonism.” ~George Henry Lewes

Most of us are just regular people.

We live our lives in our little corner of the world. We go to work and do our jobs. We spend time with our families, enjoy our hobbies, and put our pants on one leg at a time. We do pretty much the same thing day in and day out, with a few bursts of excitement and drama.

Perhaps in our personal sphere of influence, we are viewed as someone special. We are loved and important to those around us. But we tend to view others who live bigger, bolder lives as the real stand-outs, the true originals.

You might look at these people and wonder how they do it. How did he come up with that great idea? How does she have so much style? How can he be so funny? We all want a dose of whatever these people are drinking, but we can’t seem to find the bar.

These unique people must belong to some special club with privileges and talents unavailable to the rest of us mere mortals.

When we meet these shiny, exceptional people, we tend to view ourselves as boring and prosaic in comparison. No spotlight here please. I have nothing special or interesting to offer the world. There is no way I could ever be that ingenious or brilliant or avante garde. It must be some kind of fortuitous genetic anomaly that accounts for these abilities.

Yes, there are gifted people born with superior intelligence or incredible talent and abilities. There are those with the predisposition for magnetic personalities, a positive outlook on life, and creative expression. But is it their genetic gifts that make these people original and unique?

One of the dictionary definitions for the word original is this: “arising or proceeding independently of anything else.”

According to this idea, a true original means it’s the first and only. For example, the very first blade of grass that ever grew was an original. Or was it? That blade of grass was composed of molecules, cells and chemicals that already existed. The intelligence that created that blade envisioned a new way to combine those elements to create something different, something unique.

Originality isn’t creating something from nothing. Originality is taking what exists and seeing it in a different way.

You’ve heard the expression, “There is nothing new under the sun.” Nothing is truly original. The tools for every new, fresh, bold idea are available to us right here and now. All we really need is vision, passion, and action. You can be gifted and talented, but you may never harness that vision. You can be quite average and make unbelievable contributions to the world.

Arthur Fry is the guy who came up with the idea for Post-It Notes, the yellow slips of paper with adhesive on one end. They are ubiquitous now — cultural icons. Fry received his early education in a one-room rural schoolhouse and had no special advantages growing up. As an adult, he worked for 3M as a researcher in new product development.

Fry was in church when he came up with the idea for sticky notes. He sang in his church choir, and he used slips of paper to mark the pages of his hymnal. When the book was opened, the makeshift bookmarks often moved around or fell out altogether.

On a Sunday in 1974, it occurred to him to use a new adhesive he learned about at work to create a better bookmark. The Post It Note was born. The amazing commercial success of this humble product is undeniable. (Here’s a great article about Arthur Fry and the Post It Note.)

You don’t have to have special talents to be unique. You just need to harness what you have at hand.

If you want some ideas to uncover your own uniqueness, give these a shot:

1. What can you do?

What are the things you are good at doing? It doesn’t have to be something dramatic or earth shattering. Can you cook? Are you a good listener? Can you repair things? What seems simple to you may be complicated or overwhelming for someone else.

2. What do you enjoy?

Having passion and enthusiasm about something provides energy. When you have that energy, you can accomplish much, much more because you aren’t struggling against yourself.

3. Pick something and focus.

Being unique requires some time and effort. Don’t try to be astounding at everything. You’ll be exhausted. Pick one thing right now and focus like a laser on it.

4. See things with new eyes.

We get into ruts and routines, even with the activities we love doing. Ask yourself frequently, “How can I do this differently?” How can I make it more interesting, fun, special, appealing, beautiful, useful, pertinent? Challenge and stretch yourself.

5. Pounce on inspiration.

Just like Arthur Fry, you need to take advantage of inspired ideas. How many times have you said, “I could have done that?” Don’t let these ideas float in and out of your mind. Keep a notebook with you all the time. Write them down. Think them through. Put them into action.

6. Copy ideas.

And then expound on them. Look at what other people have done that seems original and unique to you. How can you change it to make it better or bigger? Remember, nothing is really new. Build on existing material and create something different.

7. Keep learning.

The more knowledge and information you have, the more raw material you accumulate for creativity and inspiration. Become an expert in your field of interest. Read, take classes, ask questions, observe other experts.

8. Be sincere.

Uniqueness just for the sake of being unique is an exercise for the ego. Nothing more. Uniqueness and originality arise from a sincere desire and passion to challenge the status quo, find a better way, express creativity, and satisfy curiosity. Feed the soul, not the ego.

9. Embrace failure.

Before Arthur Fry’s Post It Notes ever made the big time, his idea was rejected several times by 3M and received initial lackluster response from consumers. He believed in the value of these little sticky papers and was persistent. It paid off. Experimentation and failure are part of stepping out of the box. Some things work, some don’t.

10. Become a salesman.

Learn what people want and need. Find the people who share your interests, passions and ideas. Then present your unique ideas and solutions to them. I doubt Sara Blakely, the woman who created Spanx body shapers, sent out an e-blast to a bunch of men. She thought about a real problem (visible panty lines) that is bothersome to a real group of people (all women with butts), and she worked to promote it in front of the largest possible audience of these people (The Oprah Winfrey Show). From panty line problems to a multi-million dollar business.

What’s so unique about that?

If you want to get started on your on unique path, check out these free downloads that will help you get inspired, learn more about your passions and interests, and help you start setting goals to take action.

Barrie Davenport is a life and career coach and the founder of Live Bold and Bloom, a blog about bold and fearless living.

Over the coming weeks I’ll be writing a lot about various aspects of the Eisenhower Matrix, this post is part of that string of posts

The Eisenhower Matrix has two main dimensions, the urgency axis and the importance axis. To understand how to decide whether something is urgent or not, I’m going to dive into the dimension of Urgency in this post. Urgency is a dimension that’s time-related. Something can get urgent for a couple of reasons, but the main characteristic is that you need to give it attention NOW or at least on a short notice. If you don’t things go wrong or you’ll get in trouble.

Basically there are four types of urgent:

• Procratinated urgency
• Unexpected urgency
• Stealthy urgency
• Implied urgency

Procrastined urgency

These are the deadlines that are around the corner. They create urgency, because the deadline is coming closer, whether you like it or not, and you still need to do work to meet the requirements for the deadline. There’s urgency right there.

Most of the times however, this urgency is mostly caused by procrastination. People have a tendency to procrastinate work, especially if they don’t particularly like the work. That procrastination invokes a sense of urgency as soon as the time gap between the present and the deadline gets close to the amount of work that still needs to be done.

Time to deadline >>> estimated work left -> very high risk of procrastination
Time to deadline >> estimated work left -> deadline comfortably in the distance
Time to deadline > estimated work left -> first sense of urgency
Time to deadline = estimated work left -> high urgency
Time to deadline < estimated work left -> stress + poor quality
Time to deadline << estimated work left -> forget it, you’re busted

Common examples are your taxwork, handing in reports, sending in articles to magazines and so on. They’re hardly ever urgent when the deadline is set, because usually there’s ample time to get the job done. But if you wait long enough, the urgency kicks in.

Unexpected urgency

This is a type of urgency that doesn’t give an early warning. Suddenly it’s there as an interruption of what you were doing, or what you were planning to do. Something happens, and that something requires your immediate attention.

Some examples of events with this type of urgency are when you’re involved in traffic accident for instance, or when one of your kids just puked all over his bed. It’s the type of event that forces you to drop everything else, and give immediate attention to.

Stealthy urgency

The third category is a type of urgency that sneaks up on you if you ignore it. It’s not related to deadlines, and it’s not an interruption. This is the kind of urgency that evolves from neglect or from spending too little attention to certain things.

This one happens both in the material world as in the emotional world. In the material world for instance, neglecting to do maintenance work to your roof will lead to an urgency when the roof starts leaking (usually during a massive rain storm).

In the emotional world this kind of urgency can occur when you’ve spent too little time with people that matter for instance. It’s what the song “Cats in the cradle” is all about.

This stealthy urgency is a tough category, because you could’ve known it was coming, yet you didn’t recognize it or even ignored the early warning signs (hence stealthy).

Implied urgency

Implied urgency is something we all recognize, but somehow we never really see it as something with an urgency factor. Implied urgency is associated with the activities that would create (close to) immediate urgency if we decide NOT to do them.

For most people this is true for their jobs. If you decide to quit your job today, you create an immediate urgency on the financial aspect of your life. Your mortgage or rent, the utility-bills, taxes, the groceries, and many many more will not cease to exist instantly. So quitting your job creates an urgent gap between your cash coming in, and your cash flowing out.

It’s this implied urgency that we all feel when faced with these kinds of decisions. If quitting an activity creates more urgent activities than the amount of activities your quitting, you’re dealing with an activity with implied urgency.

image by kevindooley

What is money anyway?

Money in it’s essence is a promise between people. It’s a promise that that little piece of paper or that coin represents value, is worth far more than the paper or the metal it is made of.

It’s a trade mechanism that enables an exchange of value between people in such a way that value creation and value consumption can be (far) apart in time. You earn money whenever you create value, and you can consume value when spending that money.

Over time that system of promises has grown into a worldwide monetary system with lots of different currencies. In the essence though, it’s still a promise between people that enables asynchronous exchange of value.

Asynchronous creation and consumption

Money has enabled the act of saving too. In the old days it was useless to save up promises between people. The exchange of value could be asynchronous, but not very much apart in time. Money has helped us to bridge that last gap.

Money enables us to extend promises over longer periods of time. We can keep money for 30 years and it’ll still be valuable. Inflation devalues it over time, but not quite as much as a regular promise made 30 years ago by someone you haven’t talked to ever since!

And so the money itself has become an object of desire. People want money, and many goals are set about earning money, owning money, and being wealthy. And it’s also very easy to turn into a SMART goal. It’s easy to specify exactly how much you want, at what point in time, and it’s highly measurable. All the traits of a goal that could work (and often does for people).

But a lot of people forget that the money in essence is a promise. The money by itself is fairly pointless, it is what it represents that holds the promise of value.

Money as a core value

When people define their core values, it’s not uncommon for money to appear somewhere in the process. Most of the exercises I created in my e-book are designed to avoid that pitfall. But when people out of the blue start defining personal core values, or life goals, or personal mission statements, money often appears in them.

But money is only a representation of something else, just like it is in the monetary system. When it comes to values, the question to ask is: “What does having lots of money bring me?”. And the answer cannot be physical, you have to get to the meaning behind the desire.

It might bring you a sense of security, which might indicate that security or peace of mind is a core value for you.

Or it might give you the feeling of being successful, and the underlying core value might be success. The money may also be simply a measure of growing (with growth the underlying value), or of overcoming obstacles (with the underlying value of challenge or adventure). Or it’s the status that comes with having lots of money that’s important for you.

What does money represent for you?

Either way, the money represents something. Knowing what it represents is important, because it enables you to identify other ways of achieving progress on your underlying core value. Money is not the only way you can achieve progress on that value.

What does having money mean to you?

No fear, no distractions. The ability to let that which does not matter … truly slide.

The most powerful action you can take today is to let go of everything that distracts us from being who we truly are. It is also the most difficult one.

Distractions have a scary kind of power. They have the ability to take our attention, to take our energy and to take our time and money. All of which are precious things that come in limited supply (of which money actually has the least value). Yet we give them away so easily and often without giving it a single thought.

Distraction abundance

There are so many ways that distractions can reach us. Either we create them ourselves or they come to us through other people or through one of the many different types of media we’re exposed to everyday. They all divert our attention away. But away from what? Do you know? A lot of people don’t. They draw a blank when thinking about the stuff that truly matters.

Distractions on the other hand are in abundant supply, especially in this age of connectedness. There’s never a shortage of distractions, and marketeers will make sure of that. Whatever you do, wherever you are, at whatever time of day, there’ll always be distractions available. And a large part of them has even been designed to lure you in, to tempt you to give some of your limited and precious supply of time, attention, energy and money to them.

The vicious circle of the battle for attention

We’re dealing with more information every year than our grandparents had to deal with in a lifetime. This creates information overload which we counter with a short attention span. And that causes companies to bombard us with even more information, on even more media to get that little bit of attention. This creates a vicious circle of information overload and scarcity of attention.

But apart from not knowing what the stuff that truly matters is, there are so many distractions now, that the stuff that truly matters gets lost in the sheer abundance of the stuff that doesn’t matter. We succumb to the overwhelming amount of distractions to the point that we start to mistake distractions for stuff that truly matters. It’s at that point that we truly get lost.

Uncovering the stuff that matters

How embarrassing … a house full of condiments but no food.

Even though we may not know what truly matters, and even though our lives are filled with distractions it doesn’t mean that all is lost. We can still act upon the insight that distractions have taken over.

If looking for stuff that matters feels like finding needles in the haystack, you need to take another approach. Simply reduce the haystack and look for stuff that stings. Reduce distractions in your life, and you’ll uncover various things that give you clues as to where the stuff that really matters is for you.

Reducing the haystack

1. Get rid of 100 things

Set yourself the goal to get rid of 100 things in your house (I did!). And I’m not talking paperclips here. Walk around the house and identify stuff that you don’t use, don’t need or even don’t like. There are 100 things to be found. Having 100 things less around you, reduces 100 things that distract you. During the selection you’ll also find stuff you’re absolutely sure that you don’t want to get rid of. Take notice of those too.

2. Get rid of unused apps

You’ve got a computer (or even two) filled with apps. And with the rise of the iPhones, BlackBerries and other smartphones we’ve also got apps on our phones. Usually they’ve filled up with apps over time. You tried some stuff and stopped using it, because you don’t need it anymore or don’t use it anymore. So take the step and remove the apps. Clean up those computers and phones. It’ll reduce the distractions in your menus, on your desktops and on your phone.

3. Watch Fight Club

Yes, watch the movie Fight Club. The movie is about finding your core, and it’s the source of all the quotes in this article. Find the path of enlightenment that serves as a central theme for the movie. You may want to watch the movie several times. I have several times already, and I still discover new things every time I watch it.

4. Keep a log of all the things you do during the day

And be brutally honest to yourself. Logging what you do makes you aware of how you spend your time during the day. It’ll show all kinds of distractions, all kinds of time leaks, energy leaks and attention leaks. The sheer fact that you’re aware of them now, already reduces their effect and grip on you.

5. Reduce the time you’re exposed to marketeers

Marketeers want your attention, your energy, your time and your money. You can’t avoid their messages, because they are everywhere. But you can reduce the amount of time your exposed to them. Reduce the time you spend watching television (a major source of distractions), record shows you really want to see so you can skip the ads in between. Eliminate the brochures you get in the mail. And so on.

6. Realize the finiteness of life

This is your life and it’s ending one minute at a time.

It’s in the finiteness of life that we find true meaning. It’s also in realizing the finiteness of life that we can see the true waste of distractions.

7. Identify the energy thiefs

Some people steal your energy. You probably know who they are. These people engage in conversation to you (often against your will), linger around and draw the conversation to themselves, and seem to leave all energized. And they leave you drained from energy.

They’ll come again, and again, and again. Until you stop them in their tracks. Avoiding them doesn’t help, you have to confront them. Prevent them from stealing your energy. They’ll move to other prey in time.

8. Stop caring about what other people think of you

Sticking feathers up your but does not make you a chicken.

Besides the stuff and the marketeers, there are also a lot of distractions caused by the opinions of other people. And even more so by what we think other people might think, and trying to live up to those expectations. Stop caring about that and you reduce the haystack a bit further.

9. Adopt the mantra “Slide”

If you followed advice nr. 3, you’ll know what I’m talking about. If you haven’t, watch this video about Jack’s power animal. Now whenever you’re about to waste time on stuff, simply repeat the mantra in your head. See that penguin. Now read the first quote of the article again.

No fear.
No distractions.
The ability to let that which does not matter … truly slide.

Slide!

(did you see the penguin?)

Did you ever notice that some people make it look so easy to be an original? They live and breathe originality. It seems they’re firmly rooted from within themselves, have clear defined opinions on a lot of matters and stand firm when facing resistance. They’ve got so much going for them it seems. Enviable, isn’t it?

the true originals

Some people – the true originals – make it look like it comes naturally. They are who they are, and that inner certainty is the pillar of their existence. They have their opinions, they know their talents, they’re convinved that they’re an important addition to the world, and they stand firm when people or society try to convince them otherwise. They are the authentic originals, the ones that were born with it, and that developed into the superstars they are.

We find them so inspiring that, we’re even ready – happy even – to watch a commercial that features and celebrates them, even more than a dozen years after the commercial first aired. The commercial I’m referring is “This is for the crazy ones” by Apple:

The short clip shows you a myraid of originals, people that made an impact on the world, in their own crazy and special way. Apple wants you to think different, but doesn’t tell you how to do that. And in the face of so many people that seem out of reach, their message to think different also seems out of reach.

the original in you

All the people in the video are well known, they’ve made a name for themselves by doing things that stand out from what is expected of people. And for all of them it looks like it comes naturally to them. Richard Branson has always been a rebel and was destined to become one of the richest people in the world (it seems). Einstein looks like a natural, genius like that must’ve been there all along. And the same can be said of Picasso, Jim Henson, Martin Luther King, Bob Dylan …

But we can’t all be the Picassos, Bob Dylans or Einsteins of this world. Besides talent and ambition, you’d also have to be lucky enough to be in the right circumstances to rise to the top. Malcolm Gladwell’s Outliers shows this in a compelling way. The people in the video had those talents and ambitions, and they also had the right circumstances to rise above themselves and above the rest of us.

But being an original is not about rising to the top, it’s not even about rising above yourself, it’s simply about just being you. And that last part is hard enough for a lot of people, because it takes guts to become an original, and to keep on being an original.

For most people being or becoming an original is a process of change and uncertainty. It takes guts to discover your true self. It takes guts to discover and identify parts of you, that aren’t real. It takes guts to let go of the habits and attitudes that are fake, that are simply there due to societal pressures, because “you ought to behave like that”. It takes guts to ask for feedback and opinions. It takes guts to accept failures. It takes guts to claim the successes.

And in all those steps you have to expose yourself, your vulnerable self, the part you’ve been protecting for so long by not showing it to the world.

And you know what … the more biographies I read, the more I discover that those processes are just as present in a lot of the people that we see as the natural originals too. But it’s this myth of the natural original that stops people from exploring their own originality.

But it is a myth.

This article is a reprint of an article by Christine Kane. I usually don’t reprint articles, but this one is right up my alley, and a great companion to How to sabotage goals with 47 simple words. Enjoy!

A few years ago, I was in a car with the promoter of one of my performances. He had picked me up at the airport and was driving me to my hotel. On the way, we talked guitars. We got onto the subject of Olson Guitars, arguably the best guitar in the whole world. At one point, the promoter said, “Yea, well, in my entire life I’ll never own an Olson guitar.”

There was a time when I’d let a remark like this slide on by, even adding my own “me either” to the mix.

Now, I can’t. Yoda steps into my head and says, (in his Yoda voice) “So certain are you. Always with you it cannot be done.”

So, I turned to the promoter and said, “You are NOT allowed to say that!”

This is because I know the power of language. When you know that words become things, it’s hard to let language slide.

I can’t help it. I have a rule:

Friends don’t let friends speak crappily.

Language is powerful. Words can create reality. Even if my promoter friend doesn’t know how on earth he’d ever get his guitar, it doesn’t mean he should cut off the possibility with his own words.

If you’re wondering how to begin watching your words, here are 7 practical language principles for becoming a better creator of your life.

1 – Eliminate “never” and “always.”

Never and always are words of hysteria. “I always mess everything up!” “I’ll never figure this out!” “I’ll never get an Olson Guitar.”

First off, it’s not true. If you always messed everything up, you wouldn’t have made it out of the womb.

And second off, extreme words are designed to hook you. It’s just your emotions taking a joyride. You’re more powerful than that.

2 – Use AND instead of BUT.

“But” dismisses the statement before it. “And” includes it. For instance, “That’s a good article, but it needs some editing” isn’t nearly as encouraging as “That’s a good article, AND it needs some editing.”

“I love you, but…” is another great example of the dismissive power of “but.”

3 – Avoid “Should.”

Should is a heinous word for many reasons. It is victim-speak. It disempowers its object. It negates desires, thereby making it harder to make choices. It adds a nebulous energy to the decision making process. Use empowered language instead: “I could…” “I would…” “I am choosing to,” “I would like to,” “I don’t want to,” or “You might consider…”

4 – Stop calling yourself depressed.

Also stop allowing anyone to tell you that you are depressed. When you call yourself “depressed” or “obsessive compulsive” or “ADHD” or whatever – you’re claiming this thing. You’re calling it forth with the most powerful two words in our language: “I am.” That creates very little option for the transformation of this condition.

5 – Delete the word “hate” from your vocabulary.

“Hate” has lots of energy. When you use it, you send lots of energy out into the very thing you “hate.” Even if it’s negative energy, it’s still a powerful force, adding its charge to that thing. You’re also depleting this energy from your own spirit as you say it.

6 – Be “great.” Or “wonderful.”

A disease of the creative temperament is a belief that we must be authentic at all costs. So we can’t answer a simple “How are you?” without delving into an in-depth scan of our emotional temperature.

Try this instead: When people ask you how you’re doing, just say, “I’m great!”

I used to think if said this, then I better have a good reason for saying it, like I just won the lottery or something. I thought it would make me look suspicious, and people would start to wonder if something was wrong with me. But then I did it. And you know what? Most people don’t care why you’re great. You’re saying it for you.

7 – Pay attention to the music of your speech.

You know how some people? They talk in question marks? And you have no idea why? But it makes you think you shouldn’t really rely on them? And it makes you not want to hire them?

The music of your language says a lot about you. If you let your sentences droop like Eeyore, (“Thanks for noticing me.”) or if you do the uncertain question mark language, take note of what attitudes are causing this. These patterns are created for a reason. Even if it feels like faking it at first, generate confidence as you speak.

Performer, songwriter, and creativity consultant Christine Kane publishes her ‘LiveCreative’ weekly ezine with more than 4,000 subscribers. If you want to be the artist of your life and create authentic and lasting success, you can sign up for a FRE*E subscription to LiveCreative at www.christinekane.com.

WANT TO SEE HUNDREDS MORE ARTICLES LIKE THIS ONE?
See Christine’s blog – Be Creative. Be Conscious. Be Courageous – at ChristineKane.com/blog.

editorial note: This blog post is the sample chapter from my e-book Personal Core Values, you can also download it as pdf on the Personal Core Values mini-site

Rocks hold firm while water’s might
Sends pebbles rolling left and right.
Call pebbles rock? Set firm their goal?
First flash flood, still pebbles roll.
Not name, nor goal divide the two.
It’s how they act. It’s what they do.
Size dictates to stone, but you are in control.
Are you rock or pebble? Will you hold or roll?
~ Manly Grant (Rhymes for the land)

Doing what you love to do consistently. Wouldn’t it be great if you could influence your life in such a way, that you maximized the amount of time that you do what you love to do?

It would be great, but life isn’t up to us to design completely. Some even say that life is what happens to us as we live it. And in fact we experience life as it happens and a lot of things that happen are out of our control. We have to deal with them and make the best of it, right?

Well, that may be true, but we’re not entirely out of control. We have an influence on how our life evolves, and it is up to ourselves to use that influence to live the life that fulfills us the most. This e-book will guide you through a process of discovering some elements that are essential in achieving just that.

At the end of the e-book you’ll be aware of what your Personal Core Values are, and you will know a couple of ways how you can use them to influence your life. Don’t expect miracles, they won’t happen. But steady progress towards a life that’s more fulfilling than it may be right now, that’s definitely
a feasible possibility.

Who are you?

If you find yourself struggling with answering the question of what it is that you want to do, chances are that you don’t know yourself well enough. Self knowledge is the foundation for taking control of your life in such a way that you maximize the time in which you do what you love to do.

To know what you love doing, you need to know yourself. In particular, you need to know your characteristics, values and ambitions. What you love to do usually lines up with your characteristics, is aligned with your values and brings you closer to your ambitions. Sounds pretty logical, doesn’t it?

Knowing your characteristics and defining your ambitions is beyond the scope of this e-book. This e-book is about discovering your value system, and in particular discovering your personal core values.

Personal Core Values

Personal core values are a special kind of values. They are the ones that are closest to your being, the ones that are the most important to you. They are at the foundation of who you are. As such they don’t require
justification; you don’t have to defend your values to others as they are part of you.

Personal Core Values:

• clarify who we are
• require no justification
• govern relationships
• guide us in making decisions

These values play an important role in our everyday life, as they influence almost everything we do or don’t do. They govern relationships we engage in and they guide us in making decisions.

Even if we’re not aware of what our personal core values are, they still perform their magic in this way. Look at your personal core values as what’s beneath the surface.

Just like the biggest part of an iceberg is beneath the surface of the water, your values, characteristics and ambitions are primarily beneath the surface as well. They are invisible to others, and if we don’t take deliberate action to identify them, also invisible to ourselves. But they’re there nevertheless.

How Knowing Your Personal Core Values Helps

How do you feel knowing that even if you don’t know what your personal core values are, they still have an effect on your everyday life, in your relationships and the decisions you make? Does that give you a feeling of being at ease? Of being in control?

If things are going well, we usually don’t worry about it that much. But when the going gets tough, we know our personal core values are playing a role in our life, but we’re not aware of what role and not aware of what they are. And exactly at that time is it beneficial to know them and actively use them.

Knowing your personal core values is not only beneficial when the going gets tough, they also help when you have regular decisions to make.

This is only the first chapter from the e-book. There are six more chapters and five exercises (both serious and fun ones) you can easily do at home to discover your own values. To see the full table of contents, visit the Personal Core Values mini site.

Imagine the fun you could have with 10k. For sheer fun, just take a moment and think about what you would do with 10k.

Take your time…I’ll be waiting right here.

…
…

Done?
Had fun?

Imagined yourself on a white sandy beach on a tropical island? Or skiing down a slope under a clear blue sky? Or did you imagine starting your own company?

No matter what you fantasized about I’m willing to bet that you translated the 10k into dollars (or maybe euros). Now what if I told you I was talking about hours.

Hours?!

Yes…you can have 10,000 hours of fun and become an expert in the meantime!
Oh wait…no, no I’m sure you didn’t think you could buy expert status, now did you? (hint: you can’t)

The 10,000 hours is not a random number, it’s a common estimate for the amount of hours you need to spend to even be considered an expert on a subject. And 10,000 hours is a whole lotta time I can tell ya!

Ten thousand hours!
10,000 days or 1429 weeks or 333 months or 27.4 years at 1 hour a day.
5,000 days or 714 weeks or 167 months or 13.7 years at 2 hours a day.
3,333 days or 476 weeks or 111 months or 9.1 years at 3 hours a day.
2,500 days or 357 weeks or 83 months or 6.8 years at 4 hours a day.
2,000 days or 286 weeks or 67 months or 5.5 years at 5 hours a day.
1,667 days or 238 weeks or 56 months or 4.6 years at 6 hours a day.
1,428 days or 204 weeks or 48 months or 3.9 years at 7 hours a day.
1,250 days or 179 weeks or 42 months or 3.4 years at 8 hours a day.

And to make all these comparisons complete, an entire year contains (only) 8,760 hours.

Looking back on my life I’ve spent enough hours to be eligible as an expert in the following areas:

• Sleeping (got 60,000+ hours down already!)
• Walking (est. 11,000 hours)
• Talking (est. 22,000 hours)
• Eating and Drinking (est. 11,000 hours)
• Being an employee (est. 16,000 hours)
• Being a spouse (131,000+ hours)
• Being a father (19,000+ hours)

And I’m not even close in these areas (although I thought I would be for some of them):

• Driving a car (est. 2,000 hours)
• Bathing (est. 3,000 hours)
• Gaming (est. 2,000 hours)
• Taekwondo (est. 1,000 hours)
• Doing DIY work (est. 1,900 hours)
• Reading, thinking, writing, learning about personal development (est. 2,600 hours)
• Reading, learning, visualising, practicing public speaking (est. 400 hours)
• … a vast array of other activities

I was quite startled by the enormous amount of hours I have spent as employee already. And even though I’ve spent many hours in that role, I’m sure that there’s not a single topic or a single activity that I have spent 10,000 hours on. (Or ever will.) Since I’m changing over to being an entrepreneur (not even close to 10,000 hours in that role!).

This exercise is interesting because people are very very bad at making accurate estimations. So sitting down, thinking about it with a calculator will give you insight in the amount of time you have put in some of these topics. And you probably will still be making bad estimations, but they’ll be less bad because of the time you spent on thinking about them for a while.

What’s an expert anyway?

According to the dictionary an expert is someone with extensive knowledge or ability in a given subject. If I take this definition and look through my list, there are a lot of areas I have spent the hours on, but I wouldn’t say that I have extensive knowledge or ability in that topic. I’m not an expert on sleeping for instance, even though I’ve got 60,000 hours down already.

Extensive knowledge or ability requires more than ‘just grinding through the hours’. It requires an interest in the topic, and learning, growing, experiencing, failing, experimenting, discussing and so on. It’s about going in depth on the subject or ability, or climbing to the higher levels in the learning curve.

Examples of famous people who have done so are:

• Tiger Woods – started playing golf at 2, won amateur championship at 15, went pro at 21. At 2 hours a day, starting at 2 years of age, you’ll be an expert by 15 years of age.
• Richard Branson – started his first business venture in high school, and never stopped after that. In his autobiography you can read that doing business was his way of living.
• Eddie van Halen – started playing the guitar as a teenager. In an interview when asked how he learned to play he answered:
  

  “Practice. I used to sit on the edge of my bed with a six-pack of Schlitz Malt talls. My brother would go out at 7pm to party and get laid, and when he’d come back at 3am, I would still be sitting in the same place, playing guitar. I did that for years — I still do that.”

• Stephen King – Started writing for fun in school, even sold short stories to friends at the time. King has a very simple formula for learning to write well.
  

  “Read and write four to six hours a day. If you cannot find the time for that, you can’t expect to become a good writer.”

If you put in the hours, and are willing to learn, you’ll get to the higher grounds of expertise.

10,000 hours of fun

Now all of these people have spent many many hours on a single subject, and many did so from a very young age already. The fact that they’re talented is helpful, but putting a lot of hard work into their talent is what made them successful and experts in their field.

But 10,000 hours is a very, very long time. So there’s got to be a secret to get through them right? And there is! You have to make sure that you have fun most of the time. You know how the saying goes: “Time flies when you’re having fun.” Make sure you have fun doing what you do, and you’ll be an expert in no time (it’ll feel like that anyway).

The best way to ensure you have fun working is to follow your passion. What are the things you can spend hours and hours on because you love to do them so much? These activities hold the seed for a profession in which you can excel and become an expert.

Make a list of what you LOVE to do

Now go make a list of things you LOVE to do. I’m not talking about things you like, but things you LOVE to do and have a special interest in. I like to watch movies every now and then for example, but I don’t LOVE to watch movies. I couldn’t watch movies 6 hours straight. On the other hand I love learning about human behavior and self improvement. I can read books for hours, days in a row on that topic.

In what area do you want to be an expert?
Or did you just find out that you already are well on your way to expert levels?

Should you have difficulty with coming up with ways to turn your passion into a profession, share your passion in the comments and I’ll help you come up with ideas (and everybody’s free to pitch in their ideas of course!).

Photo by Joe Shlabotnik

Know thyself
~ Plato

Now that’s some sound advice: “Know thyself.” Thanks Plato! Hey, you’re probably right as you’re universally seen as one of the most influential philosophers of all time. But why such a short quote? Why does it feel like such an open door? Why is it important? And why is it so hard… Know thyself. Do you know yourself? Will you ever? Man, this short quote raises so many questions, psychological questions, philosophical questions, existential questions even.

I sure didn’t know where to start. Knowing yourself seems like a wise thing to do, like powerful knowledge. I mean, if you – of all people: the one that spends 24 hours a day, 7 days a week, 52 weeks a year (and then some) with you – don’t know who you are. Who on earth will?! On the other hand, you probably know lotsa people that think they know you, really know you. And you know they’re wrong most of the time…but incredibly right at times. Frustrating stuff.

Self-discovery

Hi! It’s me.
Hi me, nice to finally meet you! What is it that drives you?

Getting to know yourself can be quite fun. You could do a virtual self interview, but for most people that’s too strange to even ponder doing. Thankfully there are a plethora (I always wanted to use that word someday) of ways to do it easier. Let me provide you with some links:

• Do you know your MBTI type?
• Do you know your enneagram type?
• Do you know your core values?
• Do you know your preferred modalities?
• Do you know your Chinese astrological sign?

I’m not kidding, these are all excellent ways to get to know yourself a little better. Even the astrological signs, and yes! EVEN if you don’t believe in astrology. That’s because the results of the tests are not important. It’s even not important to verify (or even know) if the result is the ‘right’ result. It doesn’t matter.

What matters is what your emotional reactions are when you read the results and the accompanying descriptions. What parts do you recognize yourself in? What parts totally missed the point? It’s those parts and those effects that hide a secret, or a hint to who you are.

An example

I was born in the month of March in the year 1976 and that makes me a Dragon in Chinese Astrology.

Yay! A dragon! Cool! What does that say about me? Would I have been equally enthusiastic if my sign would be that of a Dog or a Rat? Probably not No!

I love being a dragon, because it’s a mythical being. The only being in the Chinese signs that doesn’t really exist in reality. Now that says something about me. It tells me that I have a craving for being unique, for being special. Really special even.

The element of the Dragon in 1976 is Fire.

Fire is the element that amplifies the traits of a Dragon. Yay! Why do I like that the element amplifies the traits of the Dragon? Both the good and the bad ones! Looking at myself and my behavior, I don’t really recognize this. But I certainly would love to be more outspoken in some of my traits! Get the balls to say and do stuff! This part appeals to me, because there’s potential to grow for me.

A valuable life lesson for this clever creature would be to absorb the principles of flexibility, compassion and tolerance. Being high and mighty can serve to inspire others, but it also keeps Dragons from living their lives to the fullest. If Dragons can learn to balance their quest for success with an appreciation for the little things, their life will be more than worthwhile.

Euhm…wow. Where to begin? They call me clever (I don’t mind flattery…), high and mighty, inspire others. Hmm…yes please! Live life to the fullest (Richard Branson’s motto…I wonder if he’s a Dragon too), quest for success (hey reader…are you recognizing this yet?). But wait…these strenghts…are those my pitfalls too?! They couldn’t be…

How this helps me

All kidding aside, parts of the description appealed to me, and parts didn’t. That says something about me, and I can work with that. Am I high and mighty, or do I inspire to be so? It doesn’t matter really. The fact that it triggers me, is an entry point to self discovery.

Doing these kind of exercises helps me to ask myself questions. Whether it’s astrology, MBTI or enneagram, they help me to do some self-discovery, to get to learn to know my multi-faceted self. The things I’m proud of, the things I need to learn, the things I admire, and so on. Every piece of knowledge can help me move forward. It might be by becoming aware of a hidden strength I can use. Or by discovering an area of improvement on things that really matter to me. And sometimes it just makes me feel good about myself.

How this could help you too!

You can do this too! Just take a test and read the results. Take two markers, pencils or crayons. Mark the stuff that appeals to you green (or yellow, orange, blue or whatever color you really like), and mark the stuff that you dislike red (or black, brown, purple or whatever color you don’t like).

Now review those sections and get to know yourself a little better. Happy discovering and have fun!

Have you done the tests, or do you know your type already? What did you learn about yourself? Did it give you new insights? Or did it reconfirm the ones that you already had?

Language is the source of misunderstandings.
~ Antoine de Saint-Exupéry

Language is an art. Most languages are, but especially in the Anglo-Saxon world it is highly valued if you are a proficient artist in the beautiful language that is English. Being eloquent and using prose-like languages full of quirks and subtle jokes or references is a skill enjoyed by many. The Anglo-Saxon world is proud of its language and the heritage that’s intertwined with it. More so than other languages, and especially more so than the Dutch (but that’s another story).

However, that same language can be the cause of a lot of misunderstandings. Even between different variants of the same language, British English and American English, a lot of confusion can arise. If an American wants to table a topic for instance, they mean that they want to let it rest for a while and postpone the discussion. The British on the other hand will table that topic if it needs immediate discussion. The same expression, but a world apart. Winston Churchill once said about it: “Two nations divided by a common language.”

Eloquent can be simple as well

Eloquent speech is not from lip to ear, but rather from heart to heart.
~ William Jennings Bryan

Being eloquent doesn’t necessarily mean that you have to use uncommon or unknown (but often beautiful) words. There’s a time and place where we enjoy that kind of language. A time when we indulge in the richness, and wish we could write or speak like that.

But there’s also a time where being eloquent means that you use simple words, and avoid that rich language. As William Jennings Bryan said (so eloquently) it’s not about getting from lip to ear, but from heart to heart.

In theatres, movies and books this relates to conveying emotions from one person to the other. In politics it’s conveying a belief or a cause from one person to the other. Rich language aids the speaker or author in those circumstances by creating a fertile ground for the audience. They can genuinely experience the emotions themselves, or the power of the specific belief, or the necessity of fighting for a named cause.

However, in a business setting (or any setting where you simply want to get things done) getting from heart to heart is something else entirely. Being eloquent in business simply means that you make sure that the other person understands what you mean and what you want them to do. In this setting rich language is a pitfall, because it creates ambiguity err…you increase the chance of misunderstandings to happen. The “table” expression is a perfect example.

In business you simply want to get your message across (effective), with a minimum of effort on both sides (efficient).

Choose simple words and wordings

Everything should be made as simple as possible, but not simpler.
~ Albert Einstein

One of the habits you can adopt is to simplify your vocabulary. Remove unnecessary words and by-phrases and replace words that are prone to misinterpretation. When you’re talking to someone you have the ability to catch misinterpretations as they happen (but even then you might not recognize them instantly). In disconnected communication like email that possibility does not exist. You are simply not there when they read the email. So use simple words and wordings, especially in email!

An example:
Let’s take a look at one of those typical sentences you could come across in an email message:
“I sincerely feel it is part of your set of responsibilities to achieve the desired results within a reasonable amount of time.”

There are multiple problems with this sentence and the message it tries to convey:

• What are the desired results? Is this clear to both of you?
• What is a reasonable amount of time? Hours, days, weeks?
• Do you give the same meaning to “responsibility”? How do you know?
• It might also trigger a response that starts a discussion whether your assumption regarding the responsibilities is correct (Imagine for a second what that response might look like…and how many words it would have.)

The likelihood that this sentence gets the message across is low (ineffective), and the resulting discussion takes a lot of time and thinking power (inefficient).

Now compare it with this sentence:
“Send me the performance report on newspaper sales no later than next Monday at noon. Thanks.”

Simple and clear (and even pretty polite). It gets the message across, is easy to read and will trigger short responses like “Ok.” and “That’s not going to be a problem.” And in case you sent it to the wrong person, you can expect a short answer too: “Not my job. Forwarded it to Charlie.”

Keep it short and simple

I made this letter longer than usual because I lack the time to make it shorter.
~ Blaise Pascal

Pascal’s words are wise ones, it takes more time and effort to get the same message across while using less words. So it might look like a productivity hack to skip that additional effort and go with the longer message. Bad idea.

In the bigger picture, you may have won some time writing your message (quite the paradox, long messages take less time to write). But it will also take the receiver more time to read and comprehend it. Even worse: your lack of effort effectively gives the receiver permission to do the same to you! If you are not putting in the effort, why should they? So you can expect long answers back, that take more time to read and comprehend.

So use words sparingly. Every sentence and every explanation that you add to your message might confuse the recipient. Edit your message ruthlessly and strip it down to the bare essential. It’s easier to understand, elicits better responses and as a benefit it also has an aura of authority to it as well.

Simple isn’t always easy

Simple can be a really hard thing to do. I sure as hell don’t master it, just take a good look at this post. I’m not trying to convey emotions, beliefs or causes. I’m just trying to explain a phenomenon I witness around me and a way to deal with it. Yet it could’ve been said in a lot fewer words, without hurting the message. However I do use these habits a lot and I try to be simply eloquent (or eloquently simple?).

Do you recognize this phenomenon? Are your co-workers confusingly eloquent? (I bet they are!)

Photos by kevinzim and Martin Kingsley