How to sabotage goals with 47 simple words

Don’t you just hate it when you have to set goals to get things done? They are an evil way of making sure you have to put in those extra -often unpaid- hours, to accomplish more than you’re hired for. And if you fail, that’s a reason to withhold your bonus, or even your yearly raise.

This is a list with 47 simple words you can use to sabotage goals. Use these words when formulating goals and they are bound for failure, so if you don’t want to get caught not accomplishing goals, make sure you use these words. The more the better!

1. To try
   Try and you will fail. Well, you’re not saying that you’re failing, but you are implying that failure is a very realistic option.
2. To attempt
   Attempting is a more sophisticated way of saying you are going to try. Sounds a lot better, still doesn’t guarantee success.
3. To aim for
   When you aim to achieve a goal, you never said you were going to do anything to accomplish now is it? If you aim an arrow, it wasn’t going to shoot itself at the goal, right?
4. To hope for
   Express that you hope to achieve the goal sounds good. It shows your intention, but you can always blame someone else when the goal is not accomplished.
5. To wish for
   This is even better than hoping! It shows your intention and you express a desire for a preferred outcome. You are totally committed…but you can still blame someone else.
6. To seek for
   Tell someone you’re seeking to accomplish your goal, and they are convinced that you are committed. But hey, no one told them you were actually going to find it, not did they?
7. To should
   It should be done. We should accomplish the goal. Don’t name who is going to do it, but it should be done, shouldn’t it?
8. To ought to
   Ok, so should didn’t work out. Maybe someone ought to do something about that?
9. To must
   Sounds decisive! It must be done, just don’t tell anyone you’re not going to do it. But it must be done, damn it!
10. To want
    If you express that you want to achieve the goal, you connect instantly. Others want it too! But no one decides who is actually going to do anything about it.
11. To desire
    This is a more sophisticated way of saying you want it. Makes you look even better!
12. To pursue
    Pursue what you want, no guarantee you’ll ever catch up with it, right? But man, did you put a lot of energy and determination into the pursuit!
13. To start
    Name something you’re not doing right now, and can start easy. Now make it appear difficult, and you have set yourself a great goal. And since there’s only the starting in the goal, you’re next goal could be to continue or to improve Or to stop it again, if you’re really evil.
14. To prepare
    This is a favorite. To prepare is an activity you needn’t even show results for. And you don’t have to start or stop, or whatever it is you’re preparing. Guaranteed for quite some time idling around.
15. To avoid
    Formulate the goals in such a way that it is about avoidance and not about accomplishing it. There are two benefits; one is that it’s never ending (yeah, still working on it), two is that it places the bad thing in people’s minds (so they will think about it all the time). Time-tested recipe for failure.
16. To prevent
    Is kind of like avoiding, but it sounds better doesn’t it? It makes you sound kinda serious and this one also never ends.
17. To stop with
    Ok, this one does have an end, however it still places the one thing in people’s mind that they should not do. And that doesn’t quite help them stop…
18. To refrain from
    Subtlety is in detail. Use this to formulate something that doesn’t happen yet, but definitely shouldn’t happen. And in the mean time you put it in the minds of people.
19. To reach for
    No guarantee that you’re ever going to reach it right? But you reached for it, and you tried hard too!
20. To change
    Changing is easy, and can be never-ending. And no one told you it should be better after you changed it right? You just need to adjust it some more, tweak it a little further.
21. To optimize
    This is a management classic! You’ll never find the optimum. Once you’ve decided what to factor in and what the optimum is going to be, the environment has changed and you can start all over again. But is sounds like you know what you’re after.
22. To carry on
    Make a goal of something you’re already doing. Easy as that!
23. To continue
    Like to carry on. Just…carry on.
24. To persist
    Again like carrying on, but much more energy and determination behind it (yeah right).
25. To keep
    Make a goal of something you already have.
26. To grow
    Like to start when you haven’t started it, or like to improve when you have started. Great formulation to give metaphors from nature as to explain why things grow … so … slow.
27. To reduce
    Take something you don’t really like, emphasize the negatives of that activity and show off with your goal to reduce it.
28. To simplify
    Take something you hardly do, make it appear large and difficult and set a goal to simplify it. Show absolute success by stopping with the activity altogether.
29. To improve
    Management classic! But as long as it is unclear exactly what needs to improve and by how much, you needn’t worry.
30. To enhance
    Is like improving, but can also be translated strictly to appearances.
31. To upgrade
    Is like improving as well, but more technical. Use when appropriate, preferably accompanied by a lot of technical mumbo-jumbo. If people don’t understand, they usually don’t ask questions.
32. To boost
    Is like to improve, but different. Very popular in some industries. Says you’ll do better, but not how much.
33. To perfect
    Perfect! You can never achieve this, there is no such thing as perfect, so you can never fail this goal! You’re still putting the dots on the i’s.
34. Very
    Stress a word with very as a prefix and it makes an impression, but it can’t be measured so it really doesn’t say anything.
35. Quite
    Also an empty word, but it might arise some suspicion… But some people love this word.
36. Really
    And another empty word to mix in between the other empty words. Doesn’t say anything, but makes the goal sounds so much sweeter.
37. Maybe
    If you pull this of you’re a master! If you get this word in the formulation of a goal, you’re on safe ground. No one can blame you for not accomplishing anything, since there was no certainty it could accomplished in the first place!
38. Better / More / Greater / Faster / Bigger / Less / Quicker
    Sounds great and when not further specified is childishly easy to accomplish. Nobody said how much now did they?
39. Best / Most / Greatest / Fastest / Biggest / Least / Quickest
    Sounds even better and makes it almost impossible to accomplish. There’s bound to be something or someone better, faster or quicker than you, at all times. And impossible goals can be stretched into eternity.
40. Soon
    Gotta love this word, reaching the goals is always close, but not yet reached. Soon…I promise!
41. Someday / Sometime
    A little further away than soon, so it’s even a little safer. But it has a certain vagueness around it that might trick people into asking further questions on timing. But if you get it in there, you’re absolutely safe.
42. Future
    Even further away and it sounds good. And you’ll never get there. Somehow the future is always in the … future.
43. Approximately
    This gives you a range of values for the results. The bigger the better, nobody can get you on not accomplishing anything.
44. Around
    Kind of like approximately, but it makes hitting the target (if there even is any) even more unlikely.
45. Near
    Like around, only hitting the target just became a no-no at all.
46. About
    Just another word for around. You need some variations in order not to get caught.
47. Sometimes
    That’s great, getting your goal…sometimes. You decide: feel like doing it? Do it. Feel like lounging around? No worries, mate!

Oh…and when it comes down to formulating your personal goals: Be sure to avoid them at all cost. Remember, they WILL sabotage your goals and make sure you don’t get the results.

Who are you fooling then?

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Posted in counting beans on Tue 2007.10.23