Yesterday my wife and I had our 4th wedding anniversary and she suprised me with tickets to a concert by Bløf, a Dutch band. Their music is about emotions, worries, love, unfulfilled desires, confusion and hope. We have very good memories linked to their music, because we played one of their albums a lot when we were on holiday in British Columbia in western Canada.
Immersed in music
One of the things I know about myself, is that whenever I’m immersed in music – like you are in concert hall – I make a connection with the vibe in the music and become attuned to it. It touches me on an emotional level. The same thing happened last night. As soon as Bløf started playing, I felt that I was touched by the music and that I got tears in my eyes. Happy tears, but tears nonetheless.
Tears in public … argh. I’m a guy; guys are supposed to be tough and crying is not part of being tough – let alone crying in public! This is one of the societal pressures I have felt very strong during my life. I was raised in a family where crying was “not done”, especially the boys might even get ridiculed for it (sorry Dad, I know you’re reading this, but yeah … you did).
So there I was, with the woman I love celebrating our wedding anniversary, immersed in music that touched me emotionally – and I was fighting tears. That kind of tears you apart, but I enjoyed myself nonetheless.
Tears on stage and on my cheeks
Three weeks before the concert, Paskal the lead singer became father for the first time, and he talked about that several times. At one point – about halfway through the concert – he was introducing a song that was written by the bass guitarist for his girlfriend who was pregnant at the time. While introducing that song he choked up and stood there silence in tears, happy tears that is. And there he stood crying … on stage … in front of five hunderd people.
It was at that point that I felt something change inside me. He stood there in front of that audience and allowed himself the freedom to experience and express that emotion on stage. And I was in the anonimity of the audience and I was trying to hide it. It couldn’t be further apart. And from that moment on I didn’t try to hide it anymore.
I let the emotion be there and let it express itself. I felt a tear run down my cheek and I just left it there. It was an authentic feeling, they were happy tears that sprang from love and I felt the freedom to just be there with that emotion, out in the open. Three core values working in harmony.
Applause … for tears
And then the strangest thing happened, now I think back at that moment. While Paskal was there on stage, all choked up and trying to compose himself enough to sing again, people in the audience started applauding him, men and women alike. What were they applauding for? Were they applauding for his guts to express that emotion on stage, even though they look down upon that behavior in everyday life? Or is it just a commendable trait for musicians and not for other men? Or were they applauding for seeing someone do, what they are afraid to do themselves?
I don’t know. I just know that I made a step towards living more attuned to my core values, and for that I’m grateful. I’m an emotional guy, and tears come to my eyes easily. People will notice that anyway, so why hide it? It’s nothing to be ashamed about.
{ 8 comments… read them below or add one }
Absolutely beautiful x
Bravo to you for living your truth …….
thank you
Totally awesome post – love it!!
thanks Lisa!
Great blog
I love Bløf too and I have had wet eyes too during their concerts.
But indeed because of boys don’t cry mentality had let it go.
Isn’t it terrible that instead of living through the music, your focus goes to “keeping up appearances”? I say Yay! to emotional men!
Excellent post, Lodewijik.
More of us men should cry and express out emotions! The world would be transformed ournight:-)
Reminds me of a time when I was speaking to a group of 80 people about a charity school I support in India and I choked up. I felt the whole audience supporting me – and at the end of my talk they gave a resounding ovation – and a lot of them agreed to sponsor chidlren from the school.
It really is okay to be vulnerable and show our true selves.
Arvind,
Thanks for sharing your story. I was only in the audience, and you were there on stage! It must’ve been great to experience the supporting power of the audience, at a time that you’re overwhelmed with emotions on stage.